Doctors, nurses, etc.

It could be anything from a random object stuck up the nose to a rare disease. Anything goes!

#1

I once had a patient who came in with her baby daughter. The daughter was a baby, maybe one by the looks of it. The lady told me all these things about how she was antivax and blah blah. She then asked me to “fix” her baby. You guys, it was dead. She was holding a f**king corpse

#2

Too many!

The guy that used tampons as earplugs at night, forgot to take them out and had a shower. He didn't realise how absorbent they were!

The woman complaining of a sudden and severe irritation 'down there'. She had sequin knickers and wore them inside out, several of them had come loose and worked their way inside.

The lovely old lady who came in with 'Stabbing pains in the chest', upon inspection we noted that she was indeed being stabbed, by the lamb-chop bone in her bra.

The young lad that had a speculum stuck in his mouth. We don't where/how he got it but apparently he was trying to pretend to be a duck. (For the guys out there that don't know, a speculum is a medical tool that is most commonly used for examining vaginas).

#3

I had a patient that wouldn’t let me take his temperature with a non contact device on his forehead. He was worried about “blasting radiation into his pituitary gland”. First of all, you’re 90 so I’m sure by now your pituitary gland is a little bag of sand by now; and secondly, where did you get this info? Facebook?

#4

79 year old man presents to ER with an aerosol air freshener can up his a**s…told the doctor it “slipped in when he went to sit on the toilet…it was so far in there he needed full abdominal surgery to remove it because even the colonoscope couldn’t reach it!

#5

Not medical, but dental. Had a woman who was obviously an addict come in for a tooth ache. I had to help her fill out the new patient form because it confused her too much. Every health question was met with ‘what’s that?’. We finally get her back in the room to start X-rays and holy smokes. No wonder this lady had a toothache. She was LITERALLY growing ALGAE on her teeth. It was horrendous. We ended up having to refer her to a dental hospital because the work was so extensive. I couldn’t eat anything with seaweed in it for years. It looked just like the stuff on her teeth.

#6

Had a patient call 9-1-1 with a three liter coke bottle up his ass

#7

Not my story but my friend is a paramedic and got called to a house where someone thought a person "might" be dead. The guy had hanged himself at least 3 weeks previously. Think advanced state of decomposition. She said she can remember thinking "What do they expect us to do resuscitate him". Obviously she didn't say anything and just contacted the police. I assume some people just panic and don't know who to call in this situation.

#8

My friend was an ER doctor. Had a guy come in with a flashlight stuck up his butt. When my friend came back from his break he asked the other doc how the patient with the flashlight up his but was doing and the other doc asked him," which one?" It was a busy night!

#9

I’m the patient here. Guess what I did?


Yeah, I ate a flower with a bee on it. Not only did I get stung, guess what else?


The flower was the one thing I was allergic to. I couldn’t breathe because I still had a petal AND a bee stuck in my mouth, and my tounge basically blew up. I did not eat any greens, or anything purple because the flower was purple.

#10

Not me but my dad who was a physician. He said he hated the ER, this was back when there were no "ER specialists" just doctors on call. I asked him why and he said he was sick of "removing"t things that had no business being where they were. I said like what? And he said "like flashlights, baby bottles, and squash." I asked no more.

#11

I work in learning disability care and once had to accompany a young lady to hospital who was complaining about pain when urinating.
Somehow she had inserted peas into her urethra and attempted to fish them out with a bobby pin - over a week before she went to the ED.

#12

My wife works on the icu and a large lady came in once and they had to give her a sponge bath and they found an old oreo under her boob

#13

A 'Rampant Rabbit' in the bowel. Amazing x-ray! Ouch

#14

I'm not a doctor, but I was once in the doctor's office waiting for a check-up when this woman bolts in with her young child, screaming that she was bleeding. Her kid was on her period.

#15

I once had to explain to a patient that there was no need for us to check his b12 levels, because he was actually not on a vegan diet.

he insisted on being a vegan because he only ate poultry regularly, other meats or fish only "a few times a month" and also it was always organic.
he genuinely thought he was a vegan and therefore needed his b12 level checked.

i ended up saying "b12 deficiency is only a problem for those vegans who don't eat meat"

#16

We had a patient who came to the ER after a car accident and had a metal fence pole all the way through his right chest, in the front, out the back. He previously had his right lung removed so he walked away with no injury after a pipe through the chest.

#17

A woman came into our ER with a very swollen finger and in a lot of pain. While doing a lot of dishes, a box of spaghetti fell over, as she tried to catch it to avoid it falling into the sudsy sink, one strand impaled itself under her fingernail. Since her hands were so wet, the spaghetti slid all the way to the top of the nail. It. Was. Horrifying. Everyone was cringing! The doctor had to cut a slit into her fingernail to fish it out! We all had funny reactions! The woman said it was so painful that she wanted her finger cut off! She had instant relief when the doc cut the nail and relieved the pressure.

#18

I once handled a man that had inserted the penis in a active vacuum cleaning pipe, it swelled a lot and got stuck. Totally purple after removal.

#19

Found a 6mm fragment of a metal axe in a guy's eyelid - he had no idea it was there.

#20

Not a doctor. Sat in the waiting room at the health center, waiting for my doctor when a worker from the building project next door came in. He had his hand wrapped in a big towel and just stod in the line for the receptionist. He left a large trail of blood running from the towel. Not dripping, running in a small stream. Luckily someone more or less shouted to get him some attention. When a couple of nurses came running the dude said something like "I just cut my self a bit", not really seem to realise it had to be bad. Either he was cool as a cucumber or in chock. Probably the later.

#21

Penis fish…. A fish swam up into this man’s urethra. He had been on vacation and WAITED UNTIL HE WAS BACK to get looked at!!! That was nearly 20 years ago and I will never forget that poor guy.

#22

Was on a med-surg- gyn - weird diseases floor. Had a patient come in with Pemphigus. A skin disease. A not often seen one.
Also had a patient come in with a rare genetic disease that both parents were Caucasian, but the baby had very dark skin and hair and features were Caucasian. He was also in a wheel chair and skin was very delicate and broke down easily. Can’t remember the name of it, De. … something. But it was very interesting. I also had several patients with cystic fibrosis, under this one doctors’ care. They aged from teens to 36. Very old for a patient with CF. He was very invested in their care. One patient came in and he was dying. He asked that any nurse not comfortable with his morphine dosing schedule, not take care of his patient. He was of the opinion, they could pretty much tell you when and how much they wanted or needed, and were to get it. He later, was in the news as the doctor who broke the genetic code for CF. He was based in Orlando, Fl. He was an amazing doctor!

#23

Patient was me but it wasn't anything really weird...I got hit by a hockey ball in the face, which hit the bone on my right cheek...very clean and semi-deep cut so blood went EVERYWHERE and fast. Other kids I was training with were horrified, as were coaches. Not going to lie, even with holding pressure against the cut when I turned up in the ER it was hard to tell where I was injured there was so much blood. I looked like Carrie. Traumatised more than a few people. Oops.

#24

Primary Ciliary Dyskinesia, i was a fairly nee nurse and the diagnosis was a long shot. It took 8-10 weeks to get the results and by then everyone assumed it was negative. Surprise!!!

#25

Mostly ER
1. Dead babies brought in.

2. 17y girl stabbed in the heart by someone who tried to steal her cellphone, dead on arrival.

3. Lady attacked by pet python. I clamped onto her wrist and wrapped itself around her neck, luckily she survived.

4. Guy took Viagra, effects did not wear off, 36 hrs later he came into ER because to pain was too much.

5. Police officer shot in the face, had to have total reconstructive surgery.

so much more...

#26

I had a severely psychotic patient who was convinced she had consumed human flesh and was always trying to induce vomiting. She was eventually discharged. Later she was re-admitted when her relative (a new mother) had caught this patient preparing to eat the baby.

#27

Saw this guy who ‘accidentally’ injected an epipen into his junk. He got worried and came in to the ED. He claimed he it was totally an accident and just wanted to see how the thing worked, but his friend told us he was out of viagra and wanted to see if the epipen works as a replacement, since it’s epinephrine/adrenaline. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t

#28

Guy had a penile pump. His wife gave him a powerful bj and the thing popped! He’d come in for a replacement

#29

A patient who filled a condom with Hard as Nails (a glue that sets hard as nails) inserted it while glue was still not set. Then it set and it took every surgical instrument we could think of to extract it

#30

My Grandparents were always at the hospital (both with long-term conditions), and they loved talking to other patients. Grandad got chatting to a man in his early 30s with a hole in his heart. I had been told that is a condition babies Always die from, very soon after birth.