29 Funny Retirement Gifts That Will Give You a Laugh

1. Accountrements Emergency Underpants

The Accoutrements Emergency Underpants is the perfect way to say bye to a coworker. The ultimate retirement gag gift will have everyone laughing at the retirement party. There’s nothing wrong with getting old; it’s just a part of life. That doesn’t mean you can’t laugh about it. The retiree will appreciate the effort and the laugh.

Pro tip: consider buying a few backups, just in case. 

2. Dr. Seuss You Only Live Once

Dr. Seuss You Only Live Once: A Book for Obsolete Children revolves around an elderly patient undergoing an intense medical examination. It’s a great retirement gift idea for those that are young at heart. Dr. Seuss will undoubtedly help with the start of retirement. 

3. Royal Squat Putter

For many people, retirement means spending more time on the golf course. Why not take your skills to the next level? The Gagster Royal Squat Putter allows the retiree to use it every second in the bathroom. In other words, make your bathroom the golf course.

Say goodbye to magazines and playing on your phone. Now you can perfect your swing with a legendary retirement gag gift. It includes a stool and golf set. 

4. Happy Retirement Set

Retirees sometimes lose track of time without the structure of a work schedule. Well, there’s an easy solution to this problem with THYGIFTREE’s Happy Retirement present the perfect gag gift.

It includes the two staples of retirement: coffee and wine. With mugs, wine glasses, and a display piece, it’s a dream come true retirement gift that is also good for a laugh. 

5. I'm Not Going To Work Tomorrow Pint Glass

Retiring isn’t just about drinking wine, relaxing, and living the good life. Retirement’s also about not going to your tedious job anymore. Honestly, it’s important to celebrate occasions such as not going to work ever again.

Beer drinkers will love the 16 oz Not Going to Work Tomorrow pint glass. Not only is it a funny gift, but also it makes a good point.

6. A Wise Woman Once Said I'm Outta Here

Candles are an excellent gift for all occasions and all genders. The I’m Outta Here candle is probably ideal for a woman but is perfect for anyone. It’s a wonderful gift because it’s funny and it’s practical. Plus, the candle will make a great display piece once the candle burns out.

It’s excellent for all events, including retirements, birthdays, and mother’s day. Honestly, this could be the wisest woman of them all. 

7. You Are Dead To Us Candle

Candles aren’t only for women. They make an excellent gift for anyone, even that grumpy old man who had talked about retirement since he started working when he was 15.

The Homesolver You Are Dead Do Us candle manages to be funny, witty, and sweet all at the same time. It makes the perfect gift for that big last day on the job. 

8. How Not To Be a Crotchety Old Man

A retirement present is your last chance to say goodbye to your co-worker. More importantly, it’s also the last time to get in a few jokes at their expense. Well, here’s a gift that keeps the joke going long after the retirement party is over.

Mary McHugh’s How Not To Be A Crotchety Old Man is the ideal gag gift for a male co-worker or a family member. The hilarious book offers more than 200 truths about becoming a grumpy old man, from yelling at the TV to giving advice nobody asked to hear. 

9. Sensor Potty Light

The older we get, the more we look forward to retirement. When searching for the best gag gift, look for something witty and clever. For example, the Gtozcon Potty light pokes fun at their age and as a practical use. On second thought, it makes an excellent gift for any age. It’ll come in handy during those late-night washroom visits. 

10. Do Not Disturb Socks

The Do Not Disturb socks are a funny retirement gift for co-workers or loved ones. It’s the best way to welcome them to their new life of kicking back and relaxing. The retired person will get a lot of use out of these funny and cozy retirement socks. 

11. Happy Retirement, You Old Fart

When in doubt, go with a classic fart joke. There’s truly nothing better than a whoopie cushion. It’s an oldie but a goodie, which is perfect for the retiree. Of course, a whoopie cushion doesn’t go in a birthday bag. Instead, it goes on the retiree’s seat.

Undoubtedly every retirement party should start with the ceremonial sitting on a whoopie cushion. It’s the ideal way to start any party. 

12. Big Mouth $100 Toilet Paper

The best retirement gifts are funny and helpful. For instance, the Big Mout $100 toilet paper is a hilarious gag gift useful in a pinch. It’s good for a laugh and the best way to say goodbye to a co-worker.

Plus, who doesn’t dream of being so rich that you can waste $100 bills to wipe your ass. 

13. I'm Retired and You're Not Apron

Retirees find themselves spending a lot of time in the kitchen. Some people enjoy hard work and keeping busy so they end up turning to cooking to pass their time. The cool black I’m Retired and You’re Not Apron is both a funny and thoughtful gag gift. There’s no way to go wrong with this witty and practical retirement gift. 

14. Retirement Weekly Schedule Mug

Sometimes, a simple yet clever gift is all it takes to make someone’s retirement extra special. While retirements are exciting, they’re also scary. It’s a new phase in life, and nobody knows what to expect. Ease them into retirement with this funny Weekly Schedule mug to remind them that they can do whatever they want now.

They no longer have to wake up early and rush off to work. They can truly show their appreciation for retirement. 

15. Lotto Luck

There’s one thing that retirees love more than wine, coffee, and relaxation. They love to spend half of their retirement money on lottery tickets. Hence, the lotto luck gag gift is ideal for that retired person looking to make some extra cash.

Maximize the laugh by mixing real lottery tickets with fake ones. It’s easily one of the best retirement gifts. 

16. Quitter

The best part of retiring is making your co-workers envious. Those days of waking up early and fighting traffic to work by 8 am are over. The Quitter Mug is funny, sentimental, and creative. Plus, a funny, practical gift is always a good idea.

It’s like a retirement card but in mug form. The retiree will think of their co-workers every time they take a sip. 

17. I Said No Pen

Retirement means no annoying boss to tell you what to do or co-workers ready to rat on you when you are up to no good. Finally, you can say the one thing you’ve wanted to say for years, “No, you can’t borrow my pen.”

Well, the I Said No pen can even say no for you. The pen will steal the spotlight at any retirement party. It’s the perfect way to show a co-worker how much they matter. 

18. Senior Texting

It’s no secret that coffee mugs are a popular retirement gift. The more creative the mug, the better. The senior texting coffee mug is perfect for morning coffee and texting.

It pokes fun at the difficulty of some older people that struggle with the old texting device. They’ll laugh every morning as they enjoy their coffee and go for a leisurely walk. 

19. The Boyfriend Pillow

The Boyfriend Pillow might be the best gag gift. It’s common for some people to feel lonely after they retire. The boyfriend pillow can keep them company during those lonely nights.

Your retiring co-worker can spend the night cuddling with the boyfriend pillow as they enjoy wine and a movie. It’s a funny gift for that old retiree moving on to the next phase in life.

20. Who's Happy on a Monday Gift Set

Some co-workers are so popular that one funny gift is just not enough. The Who’s Happy on a Monday gift set contains a few funny and cute gifts.

Ideal for women, it features makeup, funny socks, a tumbler, a farewell bracelet, a bag, a flower, and a towel. The gift set highlights the fact that a retiree will never have a case of the Mondays again. It’s easily one of the funniest gag gifts.

21. Retirement: The First 365 Days

While many look forward to retirement, they can also feel lost. An excellent way to help them adjust to their new life is with the book Retirement: The First 365 Days.

It takes a humorous look at adjusting to retirement while staying active and healthy. The book offers helpful advice with a few laughs thrown in for good measure. It’s not as silly as some of the other gifts, but it’s a thoughtful present. 

22. Over The Hill Decision Maker

One of the most important lessons of retirement is learning to spread out different tasks. There’s no need to get everything done in one day. Luckily, the Over the Hill Decision Maker will help out with those tough choices.

Simply spin the arrow and figure out your plans for the day. On Monday, give unsolicited advice and save driving with the signal on for another day. Few gifts are as funny as this decision-maker. It’s the perfect gag gift that’ll have the retiree laughing. 

23. Officially Retired Tiara

No retirement is complete without an epic retirement party. It’s one of the best parts of retiring. Regardless of who’s retiring, the officially retired tiara is a must-have at every retirement bash.

The retiree has to wear the tiara all night as they get drunk, dance, and say their final goodbye. It’ll make the party a whole lot better. 

24. Retired Sash

Once the retiree wears the officially retired tiara, it’s time to bust out the retired sash. Now the retirement outfit is complete. It’s an affordable addition to the party and draws more attention to the retiree. It’ll also make that retirement party a little more fun. 

25. Memory Mints

Making fun of a retiree’s old age is an easy joke. That’s why they’re so great, making Memory Mints an affordable and fun gag gift. Not only does it make fun of the retired person, but it also includes a funny tin can and a few mint candies. Eventually, the retiree will fall in love with this simple yet hilarious gag gift. 

26. Retired Road Sign

Retirement doesn’t mean that people won’t be asking for your help. The only difference is now you’re doing it for free. Instead of giving the retiree a basic greeting card, try giving them a hilarious road sign.

Learn how to say no with the retired road sign. It’ll serve as a warning to anyone that makes the mistake of bothering the retiree.

27. Retired Business Cards

Business cards are a staple of the hard workers trying to make contacts and grow their businesses. However, the retired business cards prove that they’re still valuable.

It’s a great gag gift that’ll get everyone laughing. Plus, it’ll be funny if the retiree gives the cards to family, friends, and anyone who needs a favor. It’s easily one of the funniest gag gifts. 

28. Under New Management

Every husband and father retiring from their day job means they have more time to work for the real boss; their wife, and their kids. The under-new management mug is perfect for every mug collection. It’s funny, clever, and very accurate. It’s the ideal way to start your new life working for the wife. 

29. The Legend

There’s one thing that’s certain about every retirement gift; the poop emoji always makes them better. Some people work at the same job for decades, becoming something of a legend. Therefore, that final day truly is a big moment.

Well, The Legend Has Retired toilet paper is the best way to commemorate the end of an era. It’s the perfect novelty gift that will never stop being funny. 

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