Something 99.9999999999999% of men struggle with is knowing what to say to women by text. We all know they look to us for entertainment and that if we fail to provide it, we’ll be discarded faster than yesterday’s sanitary items.
But besides bumming us out to the point of wanting to step out of the dating pool for good, this grave truth doesn’t help us come up with anything interesting. Does it?
Well, that’s what this article’s about. I’ll show you an unconventional technique you can use to come up with topics women will find wildly exciting and fun to discuss.
Hashtag, you’re welcome.
You ready?
Here come the pain!
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The woman you’re interested in is an actual human being
Shocking, right? Blasphemous even? I see this so much in the guys I coach or talk to that; honestly, I realise it’s a psychological epidemic in society that needs to stop. Most men forget that the women they’re trying to meet are fully-fledged human beings. But what does that even mean?
It means you’re so blown away by the beauty of whoever you’re trying to get with that you forget that underneath said beauty lies a soul inhabiting a body. One who loves Star Wars feels uncomfortable in high heels and is frustrated at her inability to meditate.
Women talk about men seeing them as sex objects, and there’s truth in that because that’s how many men operate. They forget that underneath the ample cleavage, sexy legs, painted toes, and gym-sculpted ass lies a human who didn’t sleep for 2 weeks as she sat crying at her dad’s bedside while he died from cancer.
Women are people too, and realising that is essential because it opens your mind to look past their physical attributes and come up with topics that resonate with her as a person. And you know what? The more relevant the chat is to her, the more interested in you she’ll be
Everybody’s tuned into a radio station called WIIFM or ‘What’s In It For Me?’, which you must remember because doing so will transform your interactions.
For instance, if I stop a man who’s learning to play football to tell him about some new fantastic technique to increase ball control while dribbling at high speeds, he’s gonna be really interested. However, if I stop the same man to tell him about methods of increasing his stock portfolio, he might not give a shit.
You get me?
Sweet. Now let’s look at ways to figure out what to say to the women you’re talking to. I’ll be using dating app profiles as examples, but the same mindset applies no matter where you’ve met someone or whatever medium you’re communicating through.
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Women’s profiles are treasure troves of clues about their personalities
If you really start paying attention to women’s profiles, you’ll see they’re littered with clues about who they are and what they’re into. Clues you could and should use to form tantalising conversations with them.
Take this woman here, for instance:
Woman number 1
What can we decipher about her personality?
Her look
Her dress sense is clearly bohemian. She looks like a mystic or tantric practitioner. This clearly implies that she’s spiritual.
Her bio
She lists herself as spiritual, says she’s interested in hypnosis, meditation, inner child work, healing from trauma, and called the pandemic a plandemic. She also said she’s looking for a life partner who works on himself consistently and wants to co-create something special together.
Conclusion
This is clearly a freethinking woman who believes in self-development, spirituality, and anti-establishment thoughts. Logically we can infer that if we reference these topics in our messages, she’ll likely be invested.
My message
As you can see, I sent a message saying, “Did I manifest you?” which she enjoyed. But what is manifestation, and why would she have cared?
Manifestation is a spiritual concept based on the notion that your thoughts create your reality and that by focusing on your desires, you bring said desires into the real world. A spiritual woman like her would almost certainly believe in it and find it a novel talking point. I implied in a roundabout way that she was the woman of my dreams but in a manner that was relevant to her.
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Woman number 2
Her profile
As you can see, she has several pics of her travelling around the world. Her bio also says she goes crazy for spontaneous adventures, which means she’s passionate about both.
My message
I asked if she was available for spontaneous overseas trips, and she loved it because I directly referenced something she already enjoys. I didn’t bore her by drooling over her beauty; I started a fun chat about things we both already love to do.
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Woman number 3
She is clearly passionate about aerial arts
She had a video of her swinging from a pole, a picture of her contorted in a giant hoop, and a profile prompt saying she wished people knew more about aerial arts and yoga.
It’s evident that she’s very passionate about all of the above, which gave me a vital clue about what I could say to her.
My message
I commented on her pole art video to compliment her on her upper body strength. Why? Because it’s obviously something she’s had to work very hard to build, I don’t want to come across 99% of men in her inbox who are either drooling over her sex appeal or intimidated by her abilities.
This is very near and dear to her heart, and showing genuine appreciation for the effort she put into getting so good at it is a fantastic way to get her interested and start a conversation.
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Woman number 4
This example didn’t really feature any analysis of her profile. Still, it is a prime example of what happens when you’re paying attention to what’s happening.
As you can see, I matched this woman on Tinder. However, I immediately closed the app, opened Hinge and saw that hers was the first profile I saw. I then told her about that but uniquely by splitting the message across both apps, which was you can see, she loved.
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Woman number 5
Her profile
She has pictures of herself in fitness gear and actively says she likes fitness and the outdoors. She also said she loves to travel and is weirdly attracted to men who use good grammar. She’s categorically told me exactly what her idea of a great time is.
My message
Once I knew she was a fitness and travel-loving grammar Nazi, I incorporated all of that into my opening message, which she loved, as you can see.
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What is she saying without words?
We’re done looking at profiles now but I want to say that if you still find it hard to find things to say, remember that everything a woman displays on her profile is by design. Every single one of us has at least 1000 online pics we could choose from to build a profile, so why has she chosen those specific images?
What is it that she wants to imply about herself? What does she want you to know about her? How does she want to come across?
If we have a boss-bitch businesswoman with pics of her in suits looking serious and corporate, what does she want us to know?
That she’s a winner. That she’s meant to be taken seriously. That she has money. That she’s a strong woman.
But what if another woman has pics playing with different animals and children of other races?
She wants us to know she’s kind, compassionate, and loving.
What if another woman has pics of her painting, singing, and laughing?
She wants us to know she’s creative and artistic and lives in the moment. She wants us to see that she loves to bring the formless into form. That she lives in a world of potential and possibility rather than a static and rigid realm of statistics and KPIs.
Pay attention to the women you’re speaking to
Ask yourself why they’re presenting themselves the way they are and what they want you to know about them, and you’ll fare much better at coming up with relevant things to discuss that hold their attention,
Thanks for reading.
A de de de That’s all, folks!
Excelsior,
Ciaran
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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