7 Ways a Man Knows Immediately That He’s Found “The One”


Men only care about a woman’s look.

They are tantalized by a woman’s beauty. It’s only about physical beauty and how hot they are.

Men instantly fall in love with a good-looking woman.

Men’s magazines and the general trope about men is that they will fall for the most beautiful woman they see.

While I’d say this true to some extent, I can also add that looks actually matter more to men when they are not serious about someone.

Men appreciate and value looks on a woman until they are looking for “the one”. In the pursuit of “the one”, looks falls away from the top of their desirability list.

When it comes to falling in love and a lifetime partnership, give men the benefit of the doubt. They are looking beyond the superficial and looking for other substantive qualities in this potential partner.

These traits are not easily known or identifiable but I’m going to break it down for you here.

7 Qualities That Help Men Know They’ve Found “the One”

1. She’s Into You and You Can Tell

Most of the time we really can’t tell if a woman is into us! Even if there’s lots of eye contact and signaling that someone’s interested, we may not pick up on it.

If a woman is interested in you, starts talking to you, and compliments you. You get the vibe that she’s into you.

You have confirmation that she’s into you and that by itself is a quality that men appreciate. Most of the time we are thinking this is not going to go well and we are going to get rejected or ignored.

A woman who shows interest in us immediately gets our attention. Believe it or not, we don’t always know a woman is into us. Even if she’s trying to get our attention or discreetly signal her interest, we don’t pick up the clues!

In a world of likes for likes, we like women who like us! We like a woman who’s into us and lets us know she’s interested.

2. You’re Able to Be Yourself Around Her

You are just being yourself around her and not putting on any airs. You don’t have to impress her with your life or your stories.

You don’t have to become more intellectual, well-read or knowledgeable about the world. You don’t have to have had a stellar dating history or relationship profile. You don’t have to impress her with your work, bank account, or adventurous spirit.

She accepts you for who you are; bad dressing, bad grammar, and all. You can make bad jokes, tell embarrassing stories and share your fears. She seems to take it in stride and not hold it against you.

3. You Sense Empathy and Compassion

Similar to how she seems open to your life and your stories, you get the sense that she also cares about other people. You take particular note of how she treats the people in the service industry or her friends and colleagues.

Once you pick up that she’s concerned about the well-being of others, your interest in her increases. If she cares about people who she doesn’t know very well, she will certainly care for the people who she is going to become close to you, like you and your family. If she cares for perfect strangers, she’ll care for people who are close to her.

If she cares about others around her, we want someone like this on our side.

4. Her Family Is Important To Her

She’s not just talking about her life and her dreams. She’s not solely focused on herself and where she’s living. She also talks about her family and her experiences with her family. She laces stories and experiences with her family into her conversation.

If a woman is talking about her family and how important her family is to her, men begin to believe that this partner is “the one”. They imagine that she is someone that they can have a family with.

They also get the sense that she will be someone who will fit in with their own family. She will be accepting of and friendly with his own family members. If a man can imagine a woman being good to his family, she becomes much different than many other women he casually dated.

5. You don’t run out of things to talk about

The conversation keeps relationships lively. Instead of standing around, and coming up with questions to ask her, the conversation flows naturally.

You both don’t run out of things to talk about. Each topic leads to another topic. Each idea leads to another idea. You are talking to each other for what seems like only an hour but it’s been 8.

The restaurant lets you know that it’s time for you to go. You were only supposed to have been there for a meal but the meal becomes a three-hour deep dive into both of your lives. The restaurant thinks it’s time for new patrons but you think you just got there!

Time flies and you both don’t have enough time to say everything you want to say.

6. She shows you her vulnerable side

She’s not talking about the superficial and the casual. She goes into some part of her life story that resonates with you and helps you find a connection with her.

She takes you to territory that you wouldn’t normally expect someone to go to. Men know that having a deep heart-felt conversation is uncomfortable and not our strong suit.

Yet with someone who men think are “the one” this conversation seems to flow naturally to the deep and the profound. You suddenly feel comfortable talking about things that you haven’t even talked to your friends about and you’re not scared to talk about it.

You reveal your deepest secrets, fears and painful life moments and she doesn’t seem to run away from it. You hear her vulnerable moments too and both of you are able to honor the space to share vulnerable moments with each other.

7. She seems to see the world the same way you do

There’s a lot of “me too” being exchanged from both of you.

For example, “I hate pineapple on my pizza.”

“Oh my God, me too…”

“I love watching Indian Matchmaker on Netflix and hero worship Sima Aunty…”

“Oh my God, me too…”

Your conversations are filled with many “me too” moments where you both see eye to eye on certain topics. You have similar tastes, preferences, and values. Sometimes you even have the same shared experiences or family background.

The more commonality in life stories, experiences, and upbringing, the more likely you are to see the world the same way.

It’s More Than Looks When It Comes To “the One”

The general stereotype is to believe that men are attracted to attractive women and that attraction is what seals the deal.

As a man, this is not what I’ve found to be true. Attraction is only important when the relationship is more casual in nature. I find that when men are looking for someone they want to spend their life with, what they’re looking for actually changes.

In pursuit of “the one”, men are looking for substantive qualities and character. They are looking for someone who likes them, sees the world the same way they do, and allows them to be themselves.

When it comes to a relationship that matters, men go beyond the superficial and look for partners who would be good fits for them.

What do you think men are looking for in a partner? Looks, personality, brains or something more?

This post was previously published on medium.com.


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